Qué pena con usted. Colombia, why do you cause us so much confusion?

It is 3 pm in Bogotá, and I crave trying the classic tamales with hot chocolate. “Ay no, qué pena con usted, pero ya no tengo tamales” [Oh no, what a pity for you, but I don’t have any more tamales], the saleswoman tells me. That qué pena con usted [what a pity for you] resonates in my mind and is very funny because I do not understand that something so unimportant causes you “pity”. Is it not a bit exaggerated to feel so much grief for so little? I was a little confused, but I managed to understand the central idea of ​​the message. Instead of dwelling on the confusion, I accepted the cultural difference and did not give it much importance.

My walk through Bogotá continues, and so does my interaction. This means I will repeatedly hear the phrase: ” What a pity, the food is taking a little longer than expected.” “Excuse me, what a pity for you, but can you explain how I can get to Teusaquillo?” And so many times, the phrase echoes in my ears, persistently reminding me of my confusion, still without understanding why they use “pena” [pity] in that expression.

The RAE, Royal Academy of the Spanish Language, highlights the sense of shame for countries in Central America, Colombia, Mexico and Venezuela within the meanings of pity.

I already knew the expression—but from a distance—and that was the first of many times it was said to me directly. Sometimes, it was in its shorter version, with a simple “what a pity,” and then in its extended version, with all the feeling that “what a pity for you” contains. It is indeed an expression that arouses a lot of tenderness but also draws attention due to its excessive politeness.

As one becomes familiar with the expression, one realises that it is very versatile, with multiple uses. It is used to apologise, ask for a favour, attract attention, or deny something. It is a kind and courteous way of addressing someone. Some foreigners love it; others, however, find that courtesy in the spoken language of Colombians implies a degree of condescension that, at times, produces a lot of discomfort.

Where does this way of speaking come from?

The answer seems to lie in two references. On the one hand, the significant influence of the Catholic Church, which calls for respect for elders and authority figures, and in general terms, good manners. On the other hand, the influence of the colonial era, characterised by servility and respect for hierarchies, was very marked at that time. These two influences make up essential elements of the Colombian peculiarity, which helps explain that in its language, everyday uses expressions such as ‘what a pity for you’ or the usual a la orden [‘at your service’] and para servirle [‘to serve you’]. The phrase para servirle is a product of this historical context, where servility and respect for hierarchies were highly valued.

If you are a foreigner, I understand that it may shock you the first time you hear “to serve you” because if one is not familiar with the expression, one emphasises its literal meaning, while a Colombian, probably due to the everyday nature of its use, is no longer governed by the literally, if not for the meaning that the use has given it, which would be equivalent to “you’re welcome.” In this way, the expression has lost the literal force of its meaning and has acquired a sense of courtesy.

In Colombian speech, courtesy and kindness are not just values but the cornerstone of effective communication. The unique cadence and respect they show to their interlocutor through language are genuinely remarkable. Unsurprisingly, Colombian citizens are highly valued in customer service positions in other Spanish-speaking countries.

Some argue that the courtesy and kindness embedded in Colombian speech are a powerful tool to counteract and confront the pervasive violence Colombians experience daily. It’s a unique way to combat violence with courtesy, a cultural significance that is often overlooked.

I hope you learned more about this variant of the Spanish language and gained a deeper understanding of the cultural significance of Colombian speech. As Colombians say, qué pena con usted, but this article has ended. Quedo a sus órdenes para lo que necesite. I look forward to sharing more insights in the next blog post.

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